Why?
by anglstrmoon
Summary: What were Josh's thoughts on CJ becoming COS, and how did Donna react when she found out?


Title:Why

Author: Beth M.

Rating: PG

Category: Post Ep for Third-Day Story

Spoilers: Third-Day Story

Disclaimer: Donna, Josh, Leo...everyone else are not mine.. They belong to TPTB.. If they did belong to me... well I wouldn't be paying any massive school loans...

Feedback: Please.. This is my first West Wing fic. I usually write Stargate SG-1 fic... I would appreciate some...

A/N: I would of liked to seen a scene where Toby and Josh dealt with their feelings about CJ being named the new COS. But I guess we can't have everything... Also this is unbeta'd...

Donna was sitting on the couch in Josh's apartment flipping through the channels waiting for him to come back from the hospital. She knew that she told Charlie that she was going to go visit Leo, but now that she thought about it, she wasn't so sure considering all the time that she has recently spent in the hospital. But on the other hand, she knew that she should go see him, she wanted to. She wanted to thank him for letting Josh fly to Germany to be with her. She knew that she would not have been able to get through everything with out him there. Yeah, her mom and Colin were there, but Josh was the person she drew strength from.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of someone putting a key in the lock of the door and opening it. She listened to him shut and lock the door, put his bag down (which she knew was a bad sign), take off and hang up his coat. He walked into the living room and smiled.

The ride to his apartment from seeing Leo was a thoughtful one. He was wondering why. Why did he not try harder to find Leo before leaving Camp David? Why of all people did the President name CJ as new COS? He was also wondering, given the recent events, if it was worth trying to hide his feelings for Donna. He was starting to think that the job was not worth it anymore. He was drawn out of his thoughts when he heard Donna calling to him.

"Josh, hello, earth to Josh."

With a shake of his head he replied. "Yeah, sorry lost in thought." He crossed the living room to sit beside her on the couch.

"I noticed that. So what's up?"

"Umm.. Something big. Why don't we get you settled in for the night and I'll tell you."

With that Josh got up to help Donna to the extra bedroom. Once she was ready for bed and situated in her bed, he went and changed out of his suit into boxers and an old Harvard t-shirt. After he was done changing he went back into Donna's room. He walked in and found her sitting on the bed reading an Elle magazine that he picked up the other day for her, the light beside her bed was on so he took that as a sign to turn off the overhead light. After he turned it off, he went and sat down beside her.

When Josh sat down beside Donna, she could tell the something was bothering him. But wanted to know what it was, but she also knew not to push him and that he would tell her on his own time.

Thoughts were flying through Josh's head about the conversation that he was about to have. He was just hoping that he didn't lose it as much as he thinks he will. He knew there was no way to sugar coat it, so. "Donna, Leo resigned."

Donna started speechless as him, then. "He what!?" After she said that, she realized it was a bit louder than she wanted to.

Josh winced at the volume of her voice. "Yeah apparently there was a conversation between him and the President the last morning at Camp David about a few things, but I don't know what about. But if I think about, I think that the President fired him. Toby told me that Leo was left out of trying to get everyone to meet a Camp David. But I know that it started before that." By this time, Josh was up and pacing in front of the bed, his arms waving in every direction.

Josh went and sat on the side that Donna was sitting at. He felt that he needed to be near her when he said that next part. "Leo felt helpless after the bombing. The President wasn't listening to him on anything, and he didn't know what to do. Leo, Toby, CJ, Will, Kate and I were waiting to go in and meet with the President about the bombings and how we should handle them. They were all talking about what should be done, and I flipped. I scared CJ, Will and Toby. Hell I think even Leo and Charlie."

Donna took a hold of Josh's right hand in both of hers. "Why? What did you say?"

Josh took a deep breath before answering. "I told them we should kill the people that planted the bomb. Then kill the people that planned it. Then kill everyone that was happy about it. I have never in my life wanted to kill anyone. Even members of WVWP."

"Why?"

"They hurt and almost killed you. You were the only one in that car that survived. It became personal for me. I'm sorry that I offended you or you think I shouldn't have said that, but God, I couldn't help it."

Donna didn't realize that she was crying until Josh reached over with his other hand and wiped the tears away with his thumb. "I'm sorry. I just.. aahhh.. I don't know what to say."

"You don't need to say anything. I didn't tell you that because I wanted a reaction from you. Anyway, Leo resigned and from what the President told me that he only had one person he thought that should take the job."

"He named someone? You should get it because of chain of command issues."

"I know. But I know that you can tell that I didn't get it. Because you know how I would be acting if I did."

"Then who?"

"CJ!"

That was not the answer that Donna was expecting from Josh. And she knew that her face said that. "What? Are you serious?"

"Yeah. Toby wasn't too happy about it either. He wanted me to get it." Josh could tell that he was going to start crying, so he tried to hold it back. "I'm sorry." He tried to get up and walk out of the room because he didn't like Donna to see him crying, but she held her grip on his hand so he couldn't go anywhere.

"Josh, please."

"I don't understand Donna. I mean, Leo knows that I would have done well in that position. Then when I think about Leo taught me, and if he was getting the cold shoulder, why put someone in the position that probably would be another Leo is most parts. I'm sure that the President knows that Leo pretty much sent me out of country to see you, so he knew that wouldn't sit well. You don't want a COS that will do things like that."

"Yeah. I don't think the country would benefit from a government ran like that."

"I know. Plus, I think that Leo noticed that my priorities have changed a bit. Right now, my first priority isn't my job. He picked up on who was and knew that I wouldn't be able to give my all."

Donna didn't know what to say. She wasn't even sure if she should say anything. But before she was able to say anything, Josh spoke again.

"I don't know how to say this, so I'm just going to. My number one priority nowadays is you. I want to be able to take care of you while you are getting better, hell I want to be able to take care of you for the rest of my life. I have really strong feelings for you that go beyond friendship. I wasn't planning on telling you but you know that when I open my mouth, I don't shut up, so I'm done know."

Donna didn't say anything for a few minutes after Josh was done talking. She wasn't even sure what to say. But when she looked into his eyes and saw the fear mixed with love, she knew what to say.

"Josh, you have no idea how long I have waited you for to say that. I understand that you mad about CJ getting the job, but I'm also glad she did at the same time. I mean think about how unhappy you might be doing it. I think that maybe if this happened earlier in the administration you would have been a prime candidate for the job. But everyone is noticing that you have changed. That you are starting to realize that your job doesn't have to be your life, that there are more important things." Donna took her right hand and laid it on his cheek.

"You are a wonderful man Joshua Lyman and don't you believe otherwise. Even though what most of DC thinks. I have strong feelings for you too. And I know that when we are ready we will actually say the words, but right now I am content on knowing it will happen soon." Donna was going to say more, but she was interrupted by yawning. "Sorry" She offered Josh a small smile.

"No, you need to go to bed. We'll talk more in the morning." Josh went to get up, but was stopped by Donna.

"Josh I know that we have to take the next step slow, especially because of my leg, but will you stay with me tonight."

Josh's heart was beating miles a minute. He wasn't really sure how to answer. He wanted to say no but he knew he couldn't deny her anything. He also knew that this wake he would be close to her when she had a nightmare.

"Let me go make sure everything is locked up and I'll be back." Josh went and made sure the door and windows were locked, and turned everything off. When he was done, he headed back to where Donna was.

He found her lying on her back; she couldn't really sleep any other way, with her head turned towards the empty side of the bed. Josh walked over that turned the light off, then walked to the other side of the bed and got in. He wasn't sure how close to get to Donna, but when she reached her hand out to him, he took it and moved closer to her. Josh put their hands on him chest and kissed Donna on the forehead. This caused her to snuggle closer to Josh's body.

"Night sweetheart." He continued to look at her until he started drifting off to sleep.


End file.
